Reprieve

Monday I went kicking and screaming to my appointment for chemo. I was dreading it. In fact, I had a number of full blown "ugly cries" the 24 hours leading up to the appointment. I just didn't want to do it.

It turns out my body agreed. My white blood cell count was lower than it was two weeks ago. I shudder to think how low my white blood cell count went down after chemo II. Anyway, I got a week reprieve. I was so excited to have a week of feeling fairly human.

I talked to Johns Hopkins and my doc at Roswell and everyone agrees that taxol may not be worth the trouble for me. It may not increase my odds of no recurrence in the future. Though no one knows for sure as no one can agree on my exact diagnosis.

I'm feeling a bit sad these days...I could write a list of reasons why...cancer, chemo, moving, disappointment in certain people's lack of contact during this trying time--I don't want to mention any names...in-laws, keloid on my lymphnode scar, etc. The list goes on.

But, what I would rather do is mention what I'm grateful for.

I don't have to work.
I am half way done with chemo.
I have a beautiful house and stream in my backyard.
My kids have stayed healthy this summer.
Paul shaved his head to support me. Even though his hair is already growing back...I'm still proud of him!
We're going to the Caribbean in January.
We're celebrating our 15 year wedding anniversary Aug 24th.
I love my kids.
I have a very supportive family, especially my mom.
I'm going to an amusement park tomorrow with my kids. I couldn't go if I had chemo on Monday.
I look good in a scarf.
I don't have to shave my legs or pluck unwanted facial hair.
It could be worse.
I'm not addicted to caffeine anymore due to my repulsion at the smell of coffee.

I better stop now as I'm digressing and starting to whine. Oprah, I'm sure, would disapprove.