Saraswati

Last weekend was my mantra initiation. It was nice. The women in our group who had had their mantra initiation the year before were weird about it. At one point, a couple of the women came up and asked me if I'd had a vision. I told them I saw this beautiful rock, a large rock and a small mammal had chosen to poop right on top of it. Tee hee. They said, "Well, just wait.". And laughed like it was an inside joke. I've had no visions. I don't expect to have any visions. My life is full enough. I get a lot of information intuitively throughout my days and highly doubt that there will be a special vision now that I have a mantra. I've already had my visions about this process. And anyway the real miracle is that I got the laundry done today and I woke up and did my meditation and had a great yoga session and talked to the principal at Erin's school, and spoke to her teacher and to the school psychologist and my daughter's fine. Erin has attended two funerals this year. When we moved back to Buffalo our only friends were from my cancer support group. Both Danny and Joan had kids the same age as my kids and we invited them to our haunted house last halloween. I'm not sure I should mention the fact that two of the people that were at our spooktacular event.....DIED!!! AHHHhhhhhhh! You come at your own risk. Their spirits will be with us and we will honor them with the BEST haunted house fun party of the year tomorrow!! I’ll drink a drrrry martini in honor of Joan. In fact, I'll have a Guiness for Danny too. Cheers.

Erin has a new best friend in her 3rd grade class. She only knew one girl in her class at the beginning of the year but she was drawn to Victoria. She wanted to have a playdate with her but I've been travelling a lot lately....NYC and then FL...and it just hadn't happened. Last Wednesday Victoria's mom died of an aneurysm suddenly. Erin is fine. We've talked a lot about it. She's processing, dealing with her emotions surrounding it and we're coping. Is that a miracle? Is there a vision in that?

My children are absolutely amazing. These experiences, though tragic and horrible, have been incredible learning experiences. They have gained an empathy that many adults haven’t learned. They have a high emotional quotient. I would never wish these experiences on anyone but I’m grateful that my children know how to have feelings and express them and deal in a healthy way. Erin asked a lot of questions and was scared one night but I laid in bed with her, rubbed her back and listened. She seems ok.

Now our energy and thoughts and love are directed toward Victoria and her family.

Oh, I was given a spiritual name. I always wanted one. Saraswati. It's a really great name. I love it.

Saraswati

Old Friends and New Friends

I'm sitting in an airport with some time on my hands. I've been exploring the idea of grounding myself. I actually believe that in some ways the travelling in my life gives me an opportunity to quiet myself. I've always loved travel and I like the idea of living out of a suitcase. It's all I need, really. So, I sit grounded in an airport.

I went to Gilda's last week to toast to Joan. I started a little tradition in my cancer support group, that when someone dies I bring Guinness and we toast to the person. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Anyway, it was time to toast to Joan and of course, I wanted to be there. I hadn't been to group in awhile. It got difficult with after school activities and before that I was busy enjoying the summer and I just wanted to move on, I guess. I walked into the beautiful orange room at Gilda's where we meet and there were a number of new people with the stark look of cancer. I know this look very well. From the corner of the room from a woman I don't recognise at first, I hear, "Barb Haney?". My eyes meet this woman who has the battle scars of cancer and I realize I know her. "Kathy?", I say.

Kathy and I knew each other when I went to UB. She actually lived with me and Kay while we were at UB. She lives in my neighborhood. Walking distance. We've visited each other a few times. She hasn't got very good use of her right side due to the tumor. She's stopped the torture of treatment. I'm so happy to have her in my life. What a blessing.