We're moving, finally. The house is nearly packed and the truck will come on Saturday. Transition. Transition is a funny place to be. Because truly all we have is NOW. Transition is waiting for tomorrow or not giving up yesterday. There is no transition, if you're in the now. Or there is always transition--time doesn't stand still. OK, I'm waxing philosophically. No time for that, I've got boxes to pack.
I flew up to meet my Buffalo oncologist at Roswell Park. His recommendations are completely different than Johns Hopkins. Crap. He wants to do more surgery--axilla node dissection (isn't 8 lymphnodes enough?), no chemo, radiation and horomonal therapy. JH's tumor board says no more surgery, chemo, radiation and hormonal therapy. This means I might have to fight for chemo in Buffalo. I want to believe Buffalo oncologist. I want to say, "Great, I don't have to be the bald mom at the parent teacher conference. Or be in bed wishing I could parent my kids during this "transition"." But, it seems negligent. I'm going to fight for poison to course through my veins... watch me ROAR!!!!! I think. I want to do the right thing and it's not clear what that is yet.
Monday, June 19, 2006
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2 comments:
Hi Barb,
thanks for commenting on my blog!
Yeah, fighting for chemo...hmmm, truly the horns of a dilemma...
I wish I didn't have to do chemo, but, that wasn't an option for me. Do the fighting oncs offer you stats? I like a gamble as much as anyone but not where the big C is concerned. Get all the info you can (as if you didn't know to do that...duh).
Best of luck...I'll be checking you out regularly too!
Lor (abigail)
P.S. i don't know if you checked out my stats but I had 2 lymph nodes involved also. It sucks, but it isn't horrific. I opted for a bilateral mastectomy because I didn't want to mess with this ever again, (and because I hate asymmetry...!).
I know what you mean about "other people's reactions." I only told people who i knew would be as irreverent about it as I am. I cannot stand the sudden solemnity most people get when you say "cancer." spare me!
Lorien
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