Stolen Moment

I love to write. It is such a moment of sweet indulgence when I can get out and on paper some ideas and thoughts and emotions that knock around in the ole' noggin. It has been a form of meditation. A time to focus on the exhale of all those ideas and emotions in the form of words on a paper or cyber space as it may be. I relish in this and love taking time to indulge in it's sweet nectar of self centeredness and self absorption. My time has been so limited lately. I find so few moments to think without interruption. As it is, I have the two little ones in the grips of the drug called TV for a stolen moment. Any minute the rest of the gang will come barging in with ski gear and hungry tummies and well, Mom typing out a glimpse of something interesting would NOT go over well. Mom!!!!! And so I sit...this moment and breathe in the reality of my life. Marveling at the plan that has been laid out for us all. You and me. Brought together at this instance.

When I think of you, I want to send you peace. Life is so damn short ...

I have held crazy grudges. It's in my genes. Us Irish...well, we never forget. Everything I do is an effort to keep my heart soft and to send love. I know that the place of grudges is a place of dis-EASE. I want Easy. And it is so easy really.

Loving. What's hard about that?

Well...there's a story. A love story. What's hard about love? Why don't we always choose loving kindness? To see it in all that is and was and will be. Everything is as it should be now. Trusting in what is rather than going off on the coaster ride of the pesky little mind and it's constant incessant ego talk.

Shambhala Level III training is at the end of March. I'm looking forward to it.

Meanwhile I'm doing plenty of sitting but could always use more. I'm teaching 4 yoga classes per week. Prenatal, a resorative/gentle class and an All Levels class. I love to be in this service of teaching yoga. I'm also so grateful to the facility that I teach at a center of healing. In fact, the name has changes to Healing Waters--Center for Yoga, Health and Mindful Living.

The truck just pulled in...I hope to do a blog entry soon on the business of teaching yoga.

i'm not the type to get upset and cry 'cause I never leave my heart open

I've had a very rough couple of weeks. I'm feeling very tired of things.

First, I found out that Erie County, the county that I live in, has decided in their infinite wisdom to drop WIC and hope that another agency picks it up. It is a federally funded service but the county can't afford to pay for benefits for WICs 40 employees. This city and county is hurting. The Buffalo Public schools have 97% of their student body receiving reduced priced lunches. This is poor city. How can they do this?



Josie's teacher and the special needs teacher in her class called me last week. She is disrupting the class by requiring lots of adult interaction and crying for silly reasons. She does cry a lot and she is fairly immature. I struggle frequently with how to best deal with this. I am a fairly experienced parent and I've been frustrated immensely by this child. She can be very stubborn and according to her Aunt (who loves her dearly) she can be manipulative. It is her nature. The thing that is most frustrating is that I'm new in this child's life. If my child were like this it would be easier to "know" what to do or maybe I just wouldn't question myself as much. There is a LOT of stigma being a step mother. About now you may be asking, "What is Dad doing about this?". Dad's response is to get frustrated by her immaturity and just do or tell her what to do OR he yells in frustration saying things like, "Josie, what are you thinking?". Not very productive. It's a tough situation. Now, he's trying to step back a bit and see if maybe I can do something different. This is taking a lot of my emotional energy. It requires so much time to correct the inappropriate behavior. I really just want it to go away. We are both very frustrated.

I did Shambhala Level II training at the end of Jan. This training was about fearlessness. To be fearless, one must face their fears. So, I spent hours in quiet contemplation facing my most intimate fears. ugh. There are the obvious fears...death, recurrence, injuries etc. But, here's a fear. The fear of judgement. That I'm judging of others AND myself and that when I remove the distractions of everyday life and am quiet with myself that I may not like who I am. The truth is that we are all flawed and that all judgements of others DO reflect on us. I'm not liking myself these days. I'm highly conscience of my impatient ways, the slight sarcasm in my voice, the times when I less than honest.