More Random Thoughts

So, it's been a year since we moved into this house. I struggle with patience in making this house completely our home. I realize that for much of this year I wasn't living in this house but instead, I was just barely surviving but I sometimes feel bad that the bathroom faucet still needs to be replaced (the faucet is under the sink, btw), the rooms still need paint, we want to replace carpeting, etc, etc, etc. The list is very long. We've done a lot in the few months that I've been a participating member of the family--landscaped some, dug a trench and insulated, built a window seat, started painting Celia's room, ripped out a wall and unpacked. Remember I started chemo 10 days after moving into this house (check out post from one year ago- I'm grateful, so grateful for where I am). Oh, sometimes I mourn the lost days. I've done so much more in these two short weeks since school let out then I did in the entire summer and fall. I was out of it. I've come so far but sometimes I feel bad. Especially because few people know what I've been through unless I tell them, and I still sometimes judge myself based on others. I end and you begin...you end and I begin. What someone thinks of me, my home, my family has nothing to do with me. You end and I begin...yet we are connected on a level that does not have anything to do with things or thoughts but rather a deeper connection. I choose compassion. There was a time when I choose anger, confrontation, stress, judgement--as my MO. So many in our world do. Being busy can seem a badge of honor but what really matters is nothing about those thoughts or the things in our life. What matters is that we take the time to tell and show the people who matter in our lives,a nd that includes the self for how can we love others without first loving ourselves, that we support and love them. I love you all and I hope you feel it.