Birthday Blues and my Prediction for 2008

I actually had a party...a celebration. It was a celebration for me...my birthday and also my graduation from yoga teacher training. Those who know me, know that this is me coming out of my comfort zone of wearing pajamas on the b-day and watching a movie at home, writing in something drippy in my journal and getting take-out. I remember crying on my 10th birthday because I was "old". I always get a tad sappy. Flash, a psychic in Florida, told me that we get a new aura each birthday and during this "change of aura" we are extra vulnerable and feel fragile.

Anyway, I had a party. It was fun and I'm set for celebrating myself for another 42 years. When I hit 84, I'm definitely having another party!!!

2008
Hillary president. Not because I'm going to vote for her...to me she's just "the Man". But, I saw it. She will be our next President. And yes, I did predict Bush and I saw the war in Iraq, the year before he took office. Also, we're going to have a global tragedy in 2011 during her time in office and Hillary will have to find her softer side in order to make a global shift in our world's consciousness to a more "we are one" attitude.

ahhh

Weekend of endings/beginnings.
Almost lifetime of searching for the thing.
The thing that cannot be named.
Somehow caught a glimpse in Yoga.
Named Yoga.
Hatha Yoga.
Ha - Sun
Tha - Moon
Yoga - yoke
That thing that brings it all together.
Drawing like a vortex or tornado...
Everything in - hale
Everything exhale
Dispersed like seeds, touching the heart to be nurtured and grow.
The seed has been planted.
The plant grown and now
Enjoy the fruits
In Joy - Santosh
Finding the joy in the awkward exposure of intimate self
Through a poem, blog, me
Being authentic.
Without the defence -- doing my dharma
My drama
That may bring up things in you
"I can't take a migraine. I don't know how you did it, Barb."
Same way.
I wish I'd have been able to do this growth, learn from a migraine.
But I needed to be brought to my knees.
Genuflect.
Honor that thing in your heart and mine.
That thing everywhere in everything.
Every experience.
Mundane to dramatic.

Yoga Ma Teacher Training.
Officially over.
I'm a teacher of this ancient tradition
The thing that always was,
Always is,
And always will be.
Om

Cancer Doesn't Sleep In

Bob died. He was a sweet man that showed up for our wellness group at Gilda's. He was a funny guy. I liked him. His funeral was this weekend and I couldn't get there, though I wish I could have. I have a lot that takes my emotional energy. And my family gets the first overflow. If I were to give more this last week it would have been pulling from my reserves. I need to give from the overflow not pull from my being. Which sometimes is hard, especially as life gets busy.

Today I was exhausted. I stayed up too late reading the Yoga Sutras in preparation for my exam this weekend. I just wanted to sleep a little later than usual. My alarm is set for 6:15. When I got out of bed at 7:30 the house was chaotic. I'm needed...life is better when I'm present and it is a delicate balance between meeting the needs of my family and making sure my needs are met too.

Anyway...cheers to Bob. Another wonderful soul drawn too quickly from his family into the vastness of God. May he find infinite bliss. He deserves it.

just stuff

Tomorrow afternoon I visit my oncologist for my friendly 4 month visit. I had a chest x-ray on Monday to make sure there isn't anything in the bones, Doc will let me know how it looks tomorrow. My last mammogram was clean.

I have had lots of signs of stress leading up to the damn appointment. Tension and pain up and down my left side. Of course, I immediately think it's cancer. Had a massage and went to the chiropractor and it seems better but ugh, I want tomorrow to be over.

I'm embarrassed that I have such a hard time getting to the doctors when, for the most part, I've had very good news each time. But, I'm post traumatic stress sister and nearly need adivan to walk in the door. Will this end?

My Luna Yoga class is going well. I teach on Wed mornings and have had a small group show up each class. It's terrifying and wonderful. The owner of the studio came to my last class and gave me excellent feedback. It feels good.

This weekend is Celia's 5th birthday. My baby! I can't believe it.